wanna go HOME now...
SATAN DRIVES TO WORK

 
  At Least There's No Lifting

3 August 1998


All right, I am going to complain about work for a while now. If that's not of interest of you, well geez go read something else, what are you, crippled?

It's FREEZING in here. What is the point of this? It's like I can hear hundreds of dollars being turned into entropy every second. And as much as the Facilities people for the office shrug and say, "Yeah, it's terrible, we know, wish there was something we could do," isn't it curious how you don't find these kinds of problems where they sit?

What I really hate about this is that air-conditioning drafts make me ill, honestly they do. I don't know if it's the temperature or the dryness or free electrons or Legionnaire's Disease Lite or what. But I can feel my lungs contracting as I type this, and that kind of uncomfortable back-of-throat feeling. It's not so much pain as an overly acute awareness of the inside of my head. Honey, I don't need any more awareness of anything having to do with my head, trust me on this.

But a night away from work will go a long way towards setting things back to normal. Which means, I'm never sick before I go to work, which means I don't take any sick time for it - naturally, the only way to "cure" it is to Just Not Go To Work. That's not a remedy that meets with a lot of approval from management.

So nope, you just show up to work, and gradually get phlegmier, and sicker, and stupider, until if you're lucky enough to remember what your job is, you make such a botch of it that you just end up doing it all over again the next day, and your entire productive time at work is condensed to about the first 2 hours, tops.

And after a week or so of this, some instinct tells your manager to wander by, in all innocence, and ask "So, how's that project going?"

I also found out today that The World Turned Upside Down, all current work should stop, but sorry, we don't have time today to explain to you what you ought to be doing instead. Besides, surely you have lots of other work to do, don't you? And the damn thing is, maybe I do. I'm in that "what?" phase as it is, where I have to do things two or three times to be sure I actually did them. It is perfectly likely that there's something really important that I'm supposed to do that I have just plain forgotten.

I'm not as incompetent as I might sound here, truly I'm not. It's all that aluminum I ate as a child from the Swanson TV Dinners. It made my brain leaky. And my knees are cold! How is anyone supposed to be able to think with cold knees? Is this the best the New Economy can do?

I'm not even going to talk about the notion that we should serve our whole site on NT, because as silly and aggravating as it will be, should it come true, it is Not Interesting. So be grateful. Light a novena for me or something.


I'm afraid that all of this is only building an excuse to do what I always want to do, lately, to solve every problem: Go Home.




Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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