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SATAN DRIVES TO WORK

 
  Coniptions

19 September 1998


"Hey! Hey! Gimme fifty cents! Gimme fifty cents!" Damn robot panhandlers. Sure, it was in a wheelchair and all, but still... "Hey, you! Don't run away! Gimme fifty cents!"

Mmmmmm, bread pudding with clotted cream! And blueberries! Happy food, happy boy, yes yes. Tremendously cute staff don't hurt either. Sparky's is definitely on my Good List this month.

Nice day out today, too. Or so I gather. I did mean to go bask in it, honestly. But, well, I was almost done with re-reading Heavy Weather by Bruce Sterling - a great book, funny and terrible, the story Twister wished it could have told - and then I was done and there I was lying in bed and ... zzzzzzz. But it felt so good, just waking up because I was done sleeping and not because I felt some obligation to stop. Me and sleep, I dunno. We're going to have to sit down and talk about our relationship.

I was worried for a while last night that I was getting sick. Being spaced out and sleepy at work is one thing, but I swore I could feel my cheeks expanding all night. Not a symptom I'm familiar with, that. But it was just an off day, I guess. "Don't worry, it's just that 24-hour Swelling-Itchy-Brain virus that's going around."

And now, a partisan suggestion: are you sick of the Starr Inquest? Do you feel a certain sympathy with anyone who tries to weasel out of having to answer questions under oath about getting a blow job? Is the endless righteous puffery of the national news media making you wish you could smack them?

Then here's what to do. Vote Democratic. Seriously. It's not like you really think it matters, do you? One Congressional candidate versus another, I mean. So go to the polls and vote for the Democrat. Because, can't you just imagine the hoop-jumping that would go on if the Republicans lost seats after all this? It'd drive them all crazy. And that would be just fine with me.

Not to mention this charming spectacle of last week: Trent Lott, the Republican leader of the Senate, who wouldn't allow a vote on a campaign-finance-reform bill because it "would take up the Senate's valuable time," did somehow manage to find space for an attempt to override Clinton's veto of the latest bill to ban late-term abortions. They lost, as they knew they would, but that wasn't the point. The vote was scheduled just by coincidence on the same day that a delegation from a national meeting of the Christian Coalition was in the gallery. And after the vote, Lott went up and gave a little speech, where he pointed right at all the Senators up for re-election this year who had provided the margin to defeat the override. Rumors that he ended the speech by throwing out bits of red meat are unfounded.

Make this guy a loser. Your gift to the nation.


Really, a robot panhandler, I'm not making that up.




Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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