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SATAN DRIVES TO WORK

 
  My Faith in Humanity Affirmed

17 May 1999


2:07 PM: Some fool kicked the power cord out of the wall this weekend. So site's been down. Now it's back. La.


I think I've mentioned the pine trees outside my living room window before, haven't I? They're far and away my favorite thing about where I live. I know this will threaten my urban weed cred, but I really love those trees. They're why I've taken to sleeping out on the couch. I like to watch the wind and the light move through them, the birds spazzing up and back and down and forth around the branches. Big silent wooden friends who are always just hanging around.

Naturally...

Rudely awakened at 9 AM this morning by one of those fucking giant-mutant-bumblebee-on-speed gas-powered chainsaw engines RRRRRrrrzzzzing outside my window. 9 AM!!??! I'd heard the bastard going this weekend too, but then it was at least 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I couldn't ever figure out exactly where the sound was coming from, though, couldn't see anything. This morning, though, they finally climbed up high enough to be seen.

And so I lied there, trying to read, trying to pretend to sleep, trying to do anything other than watch these bastards dismember the rightmost giant pine tree, branch by branch by branch. I finally had to leave, I couldn't stand it anymore. By that point, they had stripped off every branch except the large, near-trunk-size fork about 1/3 the way up, which I guess they were saving for last. What was once this great, green living home was now a naked bleeding stick in the air. I'm sure by the time I get home tonight, it'll be gone altogether.

And I've no doubt that the tree directly outside my window is next.

Now I get a lovely view of the unpainted uglyass apartment building that "owned" the trees because they were growing inside its fence, and directly into the apartment windows of all the SUV-driving Chardonnay-drinking rich motherfuckers who no doubt demanded that the trees come down because those needles are just such a mess and I don't get any sun, stamp foot.

So, hey, so what, right? What the fuck. Fuckin trees, who cares? Shit. Now we can pave it over and get our cars off the street! Those stupid things were a lawsuit waiting to happen anyway.


7:11: Meanwhile , on the other side of the world.... Bye bye Bibi, good bye! Bye bye Bibi, don't cry!




Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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