11 June 1999
3:13 PM: Oh My God. Snack!® today is ice cream. And warm Dove fudge syrup. And mixed nuts. And - and! - maraschino cherries. We who are about to sink into blissful coma salute you. Sorry about the mess.
8:21: My office crush has been in the most cheerful mood lately. Even before the ice cream, I mean. I guess the new boyfriend rumors are true. Otherwise I hope she brought enough of those drugs for the rest of the class.
Drugs, man, I haven't done any serious drugs in a long time. Side effect of a nonexistent social life. When you're not just feeding an addiction, there's little point in getting off your face by yourself, unless you're hoping to pull a deQuincey or something. Which never ever ever ever works and you should just rent some movies instead, trust me.
So I'm left with just beer and nicotine. I know a number of stoners but that's never appealed to me much. On beer, you know you're smart, but sometimes you can't make your mouth work. On pot, you know you're stupid and you can't get your mouth to stop working. I have that problem enough in real life, thanks.
The most important lesson I ever learned, I will share it with you now.Shut up.
Seriously. It took me a long time to learn to just shut up, and I still don't do it very well.
Yeah yeah, very funny. This is different. I'm not sending these words to you, you're coming here of your own free will to read them. So I can babble on as much or as little as I like. Which, as you know, I do.
9:47: Here are those pictures I was talking about the other day:
Sorry about the hologram. I think it only enhances the natural scariness, though. If I wasn't so deeply pessimistic & lazy, this would really motivate me to make some changes, tell you what.
Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.
All names are fake, most places are real, the author is definitely unreliable but it's all in good fun. Yep.
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The motto at the top of the page is a graffito I saw on Brunswick Street in Melbourne.